The Absent-Minded Blogger

Well, I blew it. I started this blog to give myself an outlet for self-expression, to take a break from the my mundane schedule and put my thoughts to the keyboard. After a four-month hiatus, the hubby asked me when I was going to get back to this. I was tempted to give this up completely, because let's face it, blogging is not a now-and-then activity. It's a commitment that I have neglected and frankly I don't know how well I can keep this up moving forward.

This is not a new occurrence for me. It's my M-O in life. I'm always starting new projects, new exercise routines, new books, new commitments and after a short period, I lose steam. I snap right back to my day-in, day-out routine and by the end of each day, I have no desire to work on "my stuff".

I can make excuses for myself, but they're just that--excuses. I lack discipline when it comes to setting personal goals. One day, I'm going to look back at this time, and hit myself for not doing what I set out to do. Or, I could just do it. I could finish what I start and feel proud of it at the end of the day. Take action. Stop talking. Yeah!!

Okay, I've motivated myself. I'm off to work on one of my projects.

Until we meet again!!

Sympton: Mommy Guilt; Diagnosis: Overwhelmed; Cure: Need Help!

I am suffering from a huge dose of "mommy guilt" these days. I'm working from home which is proving to be much more trying than I had anticipated. Perhaps I was naive to believe that I could do it all--watch My Little Man (MLM), take care of the home, and work part-time. Sorry sister. You don't have superpowers. Instead, I feel like I'm doing each job substandard, making me a bad mommy, a bad homeowner and a bad employee.

To alleviate my mommy-guilt symptom, I'm now on the hunt for a "mommy helper." Someone who can come in to watch MLM while I work or get other things accomplished. This is going to be a good thing, because I am certainly running out of tricks to perform. MLM is at this rough age (20 months now) where he's no longer amused by baby toys and games and is just grasping toddler activities. His oral fixation has turned into biting and eating dirt. Oh, did I mention that my dog has taken a fancy to his diaper, leaving me to clean up shredded pieces of it off the floor while MLM laughs his naked butt off? Like is said, getting some much needed help is a good thing. I will have some peace of mind knowing that MLM is getting the interaction he deserved and I'll get some peace and quiet to do a job of which I can be proud.

The Cost of Eating Well

I love to cook. I love to look for new and interesting recipes that tickle my taste buds. I love to experiment with new ingredients (or atleast as many as my family will tolerate). I love to watch the Food Network for helpful tips about how to properly cook fish or cut an onion.

However, my skyrocketing food costs are putting a damper on my cooking spirits. With only two and a half people in my house, I can't believe how expensive my bills are each week. I'm trying to eat well by buying fresh produce and lean meats, and organic foods (especially milk and eggs). As most people know, the healthier the food, the more expensive. A can of string beans is far cheaper than fresh ones and I can buy non-organic eggs for 99 cents, on sale. Although, I don't like the idea of the caged chickens pecking each others' eyes out, never mind the hormones and chemicals they pump into them.

So, where does this leave a middle-class family trying to trim monthly expenses? I try to buy on sale, buy local and in season. I've also tried to be a disciplined coupon user, but I find that process exhausting. I think you need to be a special person to do that. With an already packed-schedule, I can't devote enough time to finding creative ways to eat well for less. In short, I just get to the checkout counter each week with a knot in my stomach, hoping that the damage is manageable. If this steady increase continues, I'm just going to have to start rationing my family's food portions. No seconds for you tonight dear...that's dinner for tomorrow...and the next night.

One Door Closed; Another Opened

I had the unfortunate pleasure of being let go from my job earlier this month--the second time this has happened to me in less than a year. Like the last time, it wasn't unexpected. Let's face it. The market is beyond rough and companies and families all over the world are treading water to stay afloat. Rationally speaking, I know that my termination had nothing to do with me, but rather the bottom line. However, you can't help but develop a complex after two lay-offs. I'm trying to regain my professional confidence and find new opportunities out there that suit my needs.

As a twist of fate, the woman who watches My Little Man (MLM) decided to go back into the workforce, leaving my husband and I to search for new childcare--such a stressful event. This happened two weeks before I received my pink slip. I look at these two events as fate. I think this is a higher power telling me it's time to spend more time at home. My husband and I were also beginning talks of baby #2, so it seems like the stars have aligned.

In short, I'm looking for a job with less hours, so I can stay home with MLM and focus on my family more. I know I can find something to fit my schedule. I'm glad to be living in a time when people like me can find flexible work options that keep them stimulated professionally without having to work 50 hours a week at a desk in a stuffy office.

My Hubby, My Best Friend

I am so excited to welcome my newest little niece to the family. I had the privilege of being in the delivery room when she came into this world. It was an incredible experience. My sister was a true hero and champ.

It brought back all of those wonderful (and not so wonderful moments) of when I delivered My Little Man (MLM). In particular, it reminded me how amazing my husband was during the whole process. From my first labor pains to the last push, to my post-recovery in the hospital to months later when my recovery wasn't going as well as it should, he was my rock. He was so supportive and loving. I couldn't have asked for a better partner in life and parenthood.

Babe, if you're reading this, thanks for everything. Can't wait to do it all over again one day. How quickly we forget all the bad parts and how eager we are to relive all of the good ones. ;)

Resetting My Energy Allocation

I have fallen off the blogging bandwagon. I started this blog to connect with like-minded people and as a place for honest expression. However, like usual, life has taken over, and I have been neglecting this new creative outlet of mine. I have a bad habit of starting things and not finishing them. My wedding scrapbook. An original children's book. My herb garden. You get the picture.

None of these are grand endeavors. It just seems like the daily grind zaps my energy, leaving little left over to devote to my personal projects. By the time I get My Little Man (MLM) dressed, fed breakfast, and situated, it seems like it's time to put him down for a nap, feed him lunch, and keep him entertained and stimulated between then and dinner. Then there's the household duties like dishes, laundry, bills, Oh My! Finally, I have my personal and professional commitments which either have me tied to my computer or running around town to buy a birthday gift, meet up for a play date, or plan for a family affair.

When the day is over, I collapse on my couch and mentally prepare to do it all again. Every now and then I get this wave of energy and motivation to go above and beyond this daily grind. I feel an urge to do something special, different--and dare I say it--FOR ME. I move forward with my plans, full speed ahead. Then...I crash and burn and never "follow through".

I get mad at myself for starting something and not seeing it through. I want to have that continual energy supply that's tucked away only for my needs. Not dedicated to MLM, the laundry, or family. Just for me. My next project: Resetting my energy allocation.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I'm going to a high school graduation party this weekend. I have to chuckle because it feels like a lifetime ago when I was graduating high school. It's such an exciting time, yet you feel so unsure about what you want to do for the rest of your life. You have to ask yourself the cliche question, "What do I want to be when I grow up?" You know what? I'm still asking myself that question.

I like my career choice, but at the same time, I feel like something is missing? Is this normal? Does everyone feel this way, or is this a sign that I should make a career change? I really enjoy marketing and communications, but I've always had this yearning to go into teaching. The thought of going back to school seems so exciting yet daunting. It would be exciting to go back into the classroom. I would definitely have a new perspective and a greater appreciation for learning. On the other hand, the thought of financing another degree, and spending time away from My Little Man seems like such a selfish act that I don't want to put my family through that. My family and I would have to sacrifice so much that I'm not sure it's worth it.

This leaves me with accepting the status quo and making the most out of it. Perhaps I can revisit it in a few years. Although, I think I said this a few years ago. Hmm. Well, Que Sera Sera.

Flexibility in the Workplace

I have a job where I work part-time. It's the perfect arrangement for me because I keep my career moving forward (or at least not moving backward), contribute income to my household, and still have time to devote to My Little Man (MLM). In my line of work, working full time translates to 50+ hours of work at times. I knew I didn't want that, so I was able to make this arrangement. I'm not the only one.

According to a new book entitled Womenomics, women are gaining more power in the workplace. Consider these statistics from the book:

A 19-year Pepperdine University survey of Fortune 500 companies showed that those with the best record of promoting women outperformed the competition by anywhere from 41 to 116 percent.

Women control 85 percent of household spending.

Females are earning more college and advanced degrees

With this new-found power, companies and women alike are developing flexible work options to accommodate the once unachievable work-life balance. Employers are realizing that they cannot afford to lose female talent, and women are realizing that they can't do it all 100 percent of the time. What's more, it's not just women reaping the benefits of flex-time. Stay-at-home dads and even younger men are seeking out these arrangements. This is a win-win arrangement. Employers are getting smart, talented women who are thinking outside the box and the women are happy. Happy employees = productive employees. This focus group of one can report that I feel more focused and productive when I'm not overloaded. I'm also a lot more inclined to be flexible and go the extra mile when I know my employer is happy to reciprocate.

As Sam Cooke said, "A Change Is Gonna Come" and we can thank ourselves for shepherding that change through corporate America on our terms.

To Blame or Not To Blame

Okay, so I'm guilty. I sometimes use my motherhood as an excuse for everything under the sun.

I forget the milk when it was the one thing I went to the store to buy = "It's that mommy brain".

My house is mess = "I can't get a single chore done with My Little Man running around like a lunatic".

My clothes have stains on them = "Who can afford new clothes with the cost of childcare and diapers".

My butt is getting bigger = "my figure just isn't what it used to be before I had a baby".

Now, while there are hints of truths in all of these statements, it's also true that I can be a real space cadet, I hate doing laundry and filing paperwork, and I'm an utter slob, always spilling food on myself (also refer back to my last point about laundry). Lastly, I hate the gym and am eating guacamole and chips while I write this post. THERE. I said it. My Little Man (MLM)is not to (fully) blame for all my short (or wide) comings.

MLM might make it a lot harder to get things done right, but he's not the only reason. I'm not that much different from when before I had him. I'm officially taking ownership of my life and plan to get myself straightened out...right after I finish my chips that is. :)

Can't Hang Like Before

Some of our couple friends don't have children yet, and although we are all still very close, there are major differences in our lifestyles. For one, my girlfriend who just turned 30 wanted us to meet up with them for some drinks....at 9:30 p.m. The hubby and I had to have a cup of coffee around 8 to jolt ourselves awake since we're normally in our pajamas by that time. We're so sad. For two, we met up at this swanky bar and restaurant complete with a live band and fireplaces. It was beautiful, but again, us cash-strapped parents were thinking about how we're probably drinking away our babysitter's paycheck. Lastly, our recovery today was slow and painful, starting bright and early at 6 am and followed by a long day stuck inside with My Little Man on a rainy Saturday.

We had such a good time, and it's good to have friends who can drag you out of the house to have some adult-only fun. However, our worlds apart will force us to ration our adult-only fun until a time far, far away when the kiddies can watch themselves.

I'm sure a lot of moms and dads experience this with their single friends. I guess the sign of a great friendship is one that can put these differences aside and last the test of time...and children.

Still No Peanut Butter

I took My Little Man (MLM) to his 18-month wellness visit this week. No shots this time--WooHoo. We had the usual weigh in and general measurements taken. My son is solidly in the 55th percentile for weight and 85th percentile for height. Frankly, I was amazed his weight percentile wasn't higher, because my son would eat all day if I let him. He's got the chunkiest legs and this big Budda belly. Oh, did I mention his cheeks? Those are very chubby too.

Beyond that, the other thing I was most shocked by was that the American Pediatrics Association recommends holding off on introducing peanuts/peanut butter until age three...THREE? That seems so old to me. I was sort of looking forward to giving him some PB sandwiches soon, but it's a no go. Of course, she told me that other parents choose not to follow this recommendation, but I've always been a stickler for the rules. I feel compelled to follow them, especially when it's suppose to benefit his health. Ugh. Well, I'll probably keep him away from peanut food for a while.

Maybe one day I'll learn how to break the rules.

Mommy Bloggers: Power in Numbers

I came across this Ad Age story, Inside The Mommy Blogger Business at work--I work in the marketing sector. I was very excited to hear how mommy blogging continues to shift the minds of today's consumer brands.

In this report, you'll hear some compelling statistics, such as there are roughly 8 million female bloggers, a large subset of that being moms. That's a whole lotta mamas speaking their mind. While mommy bloggers tend not to have the most lucrative and trafficked blogs, the sheer volume of us is turning heads in corporate offices around the world.

In following other mommy bloggers, I find their posts entertaining, relevant, and smart. More importantly, it's a way for me to connect with like-minded women. It's in our nature. We are social creatures and we want to share our stories, and support each other. We embody word-of-mouth, and for a marketer, that is music to the ears.

When we find a product or service we love, we want to shout it to the rooftops. Conversely, when we find one we loathe, we want to shout even louder. Consumer brands are smart to engage mommy bloggers in their marketing and public relations plans. Those mommy bloggers who remain authentic and transparent to their audiences can write from the heart about products they truly love. It's a win-win-win situation for the blogger, her readers, and the brand. So, to all the mommy bloggers out there: Blog On!!

Feeling Accomplished

There are some days where I want to feel accomplished in my life and my career. I ask myself questions like "where do I want to be in five years or ten years?" I look for ways to move my career ahead, while keeping balance in my home life. I go through our financial situation, to ensure we are saving enough, paying our bills, and have enough to get some desperately needed furniture.

However, there are days like today, when the most mundane tasks make me feel very accomplished. I have gotten My Little Man (MLM), who just turned 18 months yesterday, up, dressed, and fed. I read him a few books, played a bunch of silly games, and even watched a new Baby Einstein video where we learned how to Sign critical words like "eat", "play", "sleep", "milk", and "drink". These will hopefully make our daily communications a little easier.

I changed his sheets, and ran a load of his clothes. I took him for a walk to the supermarket, picked up some groceries for the week, walked back home with him, put dinner together in the crock-pot, cleaned up the kitchen, and I did it all before lunchtime.

I'm so excited. I can't stop smiling. MLM is napping. I'm rewarding myself with a second cup of coffee, and some Web surfing time. The hubby is getting some work done right now. The best part about this, is that I'm still raring to go. I think we're going to hit some stores, pick up some new plants for the front of the house and plant them.

I hope I keep this momentum going. Otherwise, I'm going to crash and burn. But it won't matter because I'm officially feeling accomplished. :)

So Conflicted

I feel like a broken record sometimes. My Little Man (MLM) exhausts me as much as he thrills me. I often find myself looking forward to his naps and bedtimes, so I can get a break but then I feel utterly guilty for not wanting to spend every moment with him.

He makes me so happy that it makes me want to have another baby because I just want this feeling to continue. I still have so much love to give. Then, I stop myself, because I feel so overwhelmed at times, so tired, so frustrated, so unsure of my ability as a mother. I know my hubby feels the same way.

We have to find the energy, strength, money, time, and space before having another child. The only things I know we have plenty of is support and love. So, as long as we have that, I think that we could find the rest for a clan of children.

I think the biggest thing I need to find is my own confidence--confidence that I am a good mom and that I'm doing a good job. This might be harder to find, but I'll consider it a work in progress.

Use Your Words

I find myself saying this to My Little Man (MLM) a lot these days. He's at this challenging age where he understands me perfectly, but not so much the other way around. He grunts, moans, points, and gets easily frustrated these days which, in turn, frustrates me.

Sometimes he's pointing in some vague direction and moaning like a zombie. I have no idea what he wants. I tell him to use his words and tell mommy what he wants. He stares at me like I'm nuts and breaks into a louder moan at that point.

I've tried to get him to use sign language but he hasn't grasped them yet. That might be for the best though because I'm fairly certain that the signs I come up with aren't official ASL signs but they get the point across.

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to be patient and wait. Of course, when the day comes when he's spouting every little demand of his to me, I'm sure I'll be reminiscing about these good old "non-speaking" days.

I guess the grass is always greener. :)

The Kinship I Feel for the Women of Darfur

I was listening to an NPR report about the inhumanities happening against women in Darfur. It made my stomach churn. In a report among women who fled Darfur into Chad, the researches told accounts of how these women are brutally raped and, in turn, ostracized from their own families for being victims of these acts. Ironically, many of these women continue to face violence and rape to the hands of soldiers and men in Chad--a place where they go for refuge.

One of the stories was about a group of women in a village, working with their babies swaddled across them. The soldiers made these women unravel the babies from their bodies. They would shoot and kill the baby if it was a boy. If the baby was a girl, they'd throw the baby to the ground, and 'if' the baby survived, the mother was allowed to pick her up and go along her way. My heart sunk to my stomach as I thought of what I would have done in that situation. It is beyond my comprehension to conceive of how a mother could recover from watching helplessly, as some monster pointlessly kills her child.

This was only one of the horrible stories heard by these reporters. I could not find the podcast of this story on NPR, but I did find an article about it on Yahoo.

I am a world apart from these women and the autrosities they face daily, feeling utterly helpless to stop this mass-scale violence. Yet I feel such a kinship for them and their children. It makes one feel so blessed and also guilty for living such a priviledged life. I just hope that all of the aid, efforts, and activism aimed at stopping this violence begins to penetrate what seems to be an endless cycle of violence and inhumanities.

Spoke Too Soon

Well, that's what I get for opening my big mouth. While My Little Man is sans pacifier these days, he definitely is not going down easy. Tonight was "okay". He cried...and I mean waled...for only 7 minutes. Friday night....not so "okay". He cried and cried for about a half hour.

To add to that, car rides used to equal cat naps but without the pacifier he doesn't fall asleep. He has to be dead tired to pass out in the car now. This does not bode well for our upcoming vacation, where we plan to drive 6 hours to visit family...Yeap, that's going to be a night trip.

To get him to fall asleep now, my hubby and I have to be very quiet. If he hears noise, he starts crying again. In fact, I think he can hear my typing right now. On no...he's crying again. This is what my life has resorted to. Creeping around my own house. Ugh. The crying is getting louder.

Time to go.... :/

Pacifier Be Gone

So, I am happy to say that we have successfully weaned My Little Man (MLM) off of the pacifier (a.ka. pacey, binkie, my saving grace). In commenting to another mommy's post, I had to reflect on the situation, because in the end, I think it was harder for me than it was him.

I was so apprehensive to go cold-turkey but he's nearing 18 months and I knew the time had come. If I let him keep it, there was no telling how emotionally attached he'd become. It would only get harder from here on out. So, we did it. He was only using it for bedtime and naps at this point.

It went so well. The first night he cried only for 25 minutes. Granted, that felt like an eternity for me, but after that he went to bed. The past few nights, he's gone down in just a few minutes.

Here I was, completely worried that he was going to go baby postal on me, and he was a champ. So, who is really emotionally attached to our children's pacifiers--them or us?

Forgetfulness: A Consequence of Motherhood

I don't know about other moms, but I feel like I forget a lot more ever since I've become a mom. It's as if My Little Man (MLM) now has claim to 20% of my brain; therefore, leaving other parts of my life forgotten.

Twice today I have forgotten something I was supposed to do. When going to visit my sister, she asked me to bring over my husband's saw which she needed to decorate her nursery (she's expecting her first :). I totally acknowledged the request yesterday and a part of me thought that I should put that tool in my car right away before I forgot. Of course, MLM was getting himself into mischief and that thought vanished from my head faster than a cheese platter at a party. Needless to say, I felt like a "tool" myself when I showed up to her house sans my saw.

Then, my mother called me from her cell phone. She was half way to my house, as she told me she wanted to stop by the day before. Again, this conversation was erased from my brain, and I felt awful when I told her I was not home, nor would I be home any time soon.

Why do our children turn our brains into mush? Are we doing too much? (Yes.) Are we moving way too fast through our lives? (Yes.) Do we get so stuck in our routines that we reject any spontaneous requests or events that deviate from our daily rituals? (Yes.)

I often hear people say, "I don't know how moms do it." The answer is, we don't. We have so many hiccups through the course of our lives that we sometimes forget to breath. I suppose the simple answer to my quandry is to slow down and focus on one thing at a time.

Of course, if I focused on one thing at a time, my son would live in his pajamas, I'd be unemployed, and my house would be dirtier than a frat house. So, for now, I have to live with my forgetfulness and having to apologize to those who are the receiving end of it.

First of Many Blooms

This is my first post...yay! So, I feel compelled to write about why I've decided to take the plunge into the blogosphere. I've contemplated it for some time now, always something stopping me from moving forward...my job...jam-packed weekends...exhausted evenings...my own apprehension. However, that all changed recently when I was driving to work one morning. I just felt this desire to blog. I don't know what came over me but I felt so excited about it.

I want to blog to keep me writing and connected to other people like myself. I want to put my thoughts to paper (metaphorically speaking of course). Since becoming a mother 18 months ago, I find myself a new person, a better person. Parenthood forces you to put someone else first at all times and it's a very humbling experience. And the love--the love of a child is untouchable by any other love.

So, as I live with this new person that I am, I'm still trying to discover who this person is...as a mom...as a wife...as a woman...as a professional. I know I'm in the same boat as some many other moms, so I look forward to sharing my daily adventures and thoughts and learning about others. :)